Facebook Problem...

[Gem]

Oooookaaaaayyy. Soooo, I took a few pictures of my nephew yesterday. His uncle (not my brother because he is my friend's kid) posed with him for a picture. I ended up putting it in B&W and I posted it up on Facebook. A short while later, I get an email from the uncle (he's actually been a family friend for 10 years) with an edited version of the picture I put up(he had lightened his face since he has a dark complexion). Rather than, putting up the picture he sent, I lightened up his face on my own and put that up.

He got angry and said "this pic looks completely retarded and lightened" to which I replied
"You're more than welcome to use your own version of the pic on FB, if you want. I can even send you the original so that my sig won't be on it. I just prefer to put up my own work (including the post processing). And while this *was* re-lightened, it was only your face and Rahim's [my nephew] (because it would be strange for him to have him look DARKER when he actually has a LIGHTER skin tone than you). I haven't lightened anything else in the picture though. I would offer to untag you but I see you've already done that. So, let me know if you want the original, and I'll send it over. I'm sorry you feel that way. "
and then he said "delete me out of this picture"

Now, I refuse to crop him out because it would ruin the pic. And seeing how he's already untagged himself from the photo, those of you on FB know that it won't show up on his profile or anything. I see it as pointless in deleting him out. My question to you, is this unethical? I mean, he's a family friend but at the same time, it's my picture to do with what I want. What would you do in my situation?

[kiley9806]

wow - seems sort of silly... maybe he is pms-ing? i'd remove the pic if it were mine, as personally, if it were a shot of me up and i asked for it to be taken down, i would want them to take it down. and a picture is not worth potentially wrecking a long term friendship. but its your profile, and your picture, so youre the boss...

[Mad Aussie]

I'm not on FB, and although it sounds like he's being totally unreasonable if your interpretation of the events is accurate (most us struggle to project anything accurately other than our own viewpoint), I guess you need to ask yourself if the consequences match the moment.

If you stand by your guns as you probably rightly can, is it worth the angst it might cause between you and the family/friends? What other issues might arise from this? Are they worth it over a photo?

If a car was heading down the wrong side of the road, I'd get off the road ... no point being 'dead' right.

Of course the 'other' Mad Aussie says "stuff him ... what sort vane idiot is this you are dealing with? Darken him some more and make the photo larger!!"
But that Mad Aussie will only get you in trouble

[Gem]

While he's a family friend, he's not really my friend. Well, I'm talking to his cousins (who happen to be my best friends) and both are saying to leave it on and it's not a big deal and that his parents and sister won't start some vendetta against me (which is what I'm mostly worried about). It's just that, I have TONNES of pics of my friends doing goofy things or photos they consider unflattering but they laugh about it and move on. What amazes me is I'm 18 and this guy is 8,9 years older than me and he's acting like he's 7!

I've tried to relay the events as unbiasedly as possible because I'm a big believer in not taking sides until both sides of the story are heard (so to speak).

Of course the 'other' Mad Aussie says "stuff him ... what sort vane idiot is this you are dealing with? Darken him some more and make the photo larger!!"
But that Mad Aussie will only get you in trouble

I'm SSSSOOOOOOOO tempted to do that now.

I think I'll leave it on ... I think I would have taken it down had he ASKED or not said "this is completely retarded." Even though everyone's entitled to their own opinion, that was just mean :(

[Mad Aussie]

Ok ... out with the black paint then ... lets fix this sucker right up

As I said ... weigh up the pros and cons of your actions and the whether he's worthy to be on your FB at all. Sometimes exclusion is the best form of punishment.

[Gem]

Thanks to all three of you. I didn't mean to unload on here or anything but I needed outsider's opinion.

[Marko]

I 100% agree with Ma here. Obviously it's your pic and you can do whatever you want with it....and he can do whatever he wants with his version.

No way on god's green earth would I crop this person out - that's a waste of my time though. Personally in order to avoid bad feelings, I would not post the pic. I'd post another with just the boy or wait till I got a pic of just the boy and post that.

[kat]

When I went to Mexico I had many beautiful family photos that included a real pain in the butt mother in law who didn't want to be up on facebook. I can understand, but at the same token she knew I was putting them up on facebook to show my family away the photos. I learnt a lot with that experience.

As of late, I've deleted all photos on facebook. Many reasons for that but over the last year I've learnt to
-always ask if everyone in the photo minds being on facebook. If they mind then two shots are taken, one with them out.
-I never put up bad photos of a person. One thing I want is for my family and friends to feel secure when I was posting.
-I always made sure that if my people didn't like a photos for some reason, I would take it off. I wouldn't want someone to keep one of me up I didn't like, although rare.

After all, it's only facebook and it's only a photo.

But then again you really don't want me to get started on facebook and how I really feel about it.

[jjeling]

But then again you really don't want me to get started on facebook and how I really feel about it.

What? That its a complete joke and a total waste of time? Yeah I feel that way too. Its just a shame I caved and joined. Oh well, its good exposure and direct marketing to me and they dont even know it. hahaha. Now I just have to work on an official website.

Gem, I think your right. I try to be as courteous as possible at ALL times, but sometimes I just dont care what other people have to think. Let me show you something I put up a while ago. This time I definitely crossed the line but he knew it. It was more for the humor than anything else. Eventually we built a fake online profile for him on a dating website. It took some time but we took it down. He was mad at the time about it(my cousin), but after time passed he got over it and just laughs now. Use this as an example of what NOT to put up on facebook. If it is anything a touch better than this, I would say its fair game.

[Gem]

LOL, jj, that's a hilarious picture! I have many a photo like that on FB (although the privacy settings are always set on "Friends only").

I understand what some of you are saying about respecting someone's wishes about not being posted up on Facebook. But I don't feel as though that's the issue. I think he would have been perfectly fine if I had posed up his version of the picture.

Thing is, that he recently got photoshop and has been on a high horse ever since (yes, he's that sort of person). He knows that I don't use Photoshop, so for him his version of lightening up his face is "more professional" than mine. Just this morning, I showed my version of a picture to someone and they found nothing wrong with it (didn't tell her the story behind it, just asked if anything seemed wrong with the photo). Everybody that I've talked to and shown the picture to (3,4 people) sees nothing wrong with it. I would take the picture down if I really felt this was SOLELY about the photo. But I think it's more about me not using HIS version, and that's just...immature.

And all my album settings are private so that only my friends can view it; it's not like everyone on FB can. I just feel like this whole thing has been blown out of proportion and over exaggerated.

Thanks for the help, though. It was interesting to see the responses.