Twas the Month After Christmas

**Bambi** · 12-24-2010, 09:50 AM

Twas the month after Christmas!

‘Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The biscuits I’d nibbled, the champagne I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber)
I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”

As I dressed myself in my partners old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt
I said to myself, as only I can
“You can’t spend all summer disguised as a man!”

So-away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of the food that I like must be banished
‘Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a biscuit – not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot scones, or cake, or fruit pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I’m hungry. I’m lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to laugh, no longer a riot
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!